I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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