I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
