i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
