I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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