you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize