The maid of honor just puked.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize