im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Two words: blizzard sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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