they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize