you would pick up someone in the library
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
