Already got asked if we're dating
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
