I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
