I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
