dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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