Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
