I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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