Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
