Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
