He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
