id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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