You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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