"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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