the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
