i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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