I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
