I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
