I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
