I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
