Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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