the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
