We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
