Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
