I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
