I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ambien. No doubt about it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
