as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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