jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize