We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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