Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
