Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
