Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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