We should be called the Road Head Warriors
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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