whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
