so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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