3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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