i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you would pick up someone in the library
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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