2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
