Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize