yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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