i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
