I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
