Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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