Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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