I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
