i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize