Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
