this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
