I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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