Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize