It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
