I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This house was built for laser tag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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