Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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