absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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