Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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