Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize