my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
two words...techno handjob
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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