is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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