Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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