Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There r osticjed everywhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
