If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
