can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
