I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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