Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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