In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize