"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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