two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
