So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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