Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
