Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i think my cat just said my name.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize