Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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